Turd Blossom’s Ever-Changing Tune

“No, really, Mr. Fitzgerald, let me testify again. I mean... ’cause, well, I might have... maybe misspoke just a bit last time. Not lied, no no, just... well, maybe I didn’t quite say things exactly the way I should have. I mean, come on, we figured you were just gonna be another one of our usual flunkies... Hell, I’ve commited treason dozens of times before, and nobody ever... No, wait, I didn’t mean that!

“Hoo-boy. Just... let’s say I just come in, we chat a bit... what do you say we let that be that, eh? Not worry about all these accusations flying about. We can just think of this as a do-over, okay?

“Um... boy, this is awkward, but... well, I kind of need to hear you say something, though. It’s really simple, only take a sec... Say you’re not going to indict me. Just once... here, give it a try... ‘Iiiiiii’mmm nnnooooottttt...’

“No? Can’t say that? Um... well... you know, I was just asking. ’Cause this whole thing... well, it’s just a bit awkward, you know what I mean? I was just kind of hoping we could all be friends, let bygones be bygones... You scratch my back, and you know I’ll scratch yours... Hello? Mr. Fitzgerald? Pat? Buddy...?”